so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
