I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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