he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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