break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
