If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
