a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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