Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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