Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
