She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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