I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize