I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The Olympian is in my bed
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
