Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
