We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
