Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
