I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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