I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
