I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
