not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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