In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
