oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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