That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize