I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
