So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
