You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
