didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
