do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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