He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
