soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
