so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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