its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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