can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
