I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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