I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
