she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
