She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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