I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
