omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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