I puked a lego.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
