dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
