If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
