I love black thongs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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