Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
