is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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