I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
