omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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