I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
