where am i from again
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
