Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
