Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
