I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found puke in my bra..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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