Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
