that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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