HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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