can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
