...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
