she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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