R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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