so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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