You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
