My room smells like vodka and shame
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
