I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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