dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
