Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
