I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
