one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
