so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
