why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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