remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
