I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
