sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
