you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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