the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize