i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
