You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize