I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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