so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
