Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
