Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
