i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
