I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
